


Panic Attacks and Understanding

by awesten (Ishimorie)



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied Sexual Content, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Past Abuse, Polyamory, basically a vent fic, mentions of sexual abuse, my ex ruined sex for me so i wrote this to cope, polyparx
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24799933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ishimorie/pseuds/awesten
Summary: I wrote this as a vent!fic because I am terrified of sex and intimacy because of unsavory people. I use writing to cope when I'm feeling down.Basically poly!waterparks with a reader who has a panic attack
Relationships: Awsten Knight/Geoff Wigington/Otto Wood, Awsten Knight/Geoff Wigington/Otto Wood/Reader
Kudos: 3





	Panic Attacks and Understanding

Panic. It set in during moments like this. Awsten's lips were on yours and his hands were travelling down your body. You tried to calm yourself. It was just Awsten, he cared about you, but all your mind felt was the touch of violation. A body that was once forced upon you. Hands that you were once coerced into accepting out of a fear of rejection. 

Panic set in and your breathing turned quick and shallow against him and your body fell limp. Your lungs felt like they were thrashing into your rib cage. Awsten pulled away quickly. Concerned words fell from his lips but you couldn't focus on him. Once his touch left your body you curled into a ball on the bed, tears streaming down your face and breaths of hyperventilation spewing from your mouth and throat. 

You couldn't help the guilt flowing into your mind. The same fear of rejection that made you accept the "love" of the past crept back into your psyche. You heard the doors open and scared voices talking quietly. You just laid back into the pillows and tried to console yourself enough to speak. You knew the boys would understand, but fear and pain made you overthink.

Your breathing soon slowed. You looked up at them through blurred vision. Geoff and Otto tried to sit next to you but you flinched at their hands. 

"It's okay, tell us when you're ready to speak. We don't mind waiting." Geoff immediately recognized your symptoms. Panic. You had once confided in him the details of your experiences. He was good at deescalating situations while maintaining that everyone's feelings were valid. He stood from the bed and placed a comforting arm around Awsten, who kept his concerned eyes on you. Otto still sat to your left, his presence was comforting. All of them brought you a sense of security, but again your panic was in and it was difficult to come down.

A few minutes passed. Geoff had taught you a couple of breathing exercises to use during your anxious moments and your mind was finally clearing up enough to use them. You were finally calm enough to tell them what was bothering you. 

"Awsten..." You called him through shaky breathing. 

"You did nothing wrong. I thought I was ready." Tears still trickled down your face as sadness took over.

"Your okay darling. I should've made sure you were alright before moving in like that. I'm so sorry." He was remorseful as he stood in front of you, keeping the distance still. 

" I was into it Aws. It's just my mind associates touch with him, even when I'm in control. You have nothing to apologize for." You smiled at him and reached out for his hand.

"I guess my mind isn't exactly ready. I'm the one who should apologize."

Your statement caused the three of them to look at you with sorrowful expressions.

"No you shouldn't. You were hurt. We love you for you, not your body. If you're never ready for that, we don't care. We love you." Otto spoke up and happy tears spilled.

"I'm sorry but you're the only people who ever made me feel like more than just an object." You spoke sincerely. "I love you all." You looked up at Awsten, and then to Geoff and finally, to Otto. 

"I'm sorry someone ever made you feel that way. You're our princess... no... our queen and even without us and if you were anyone else, you have boundaries and a body that is yours and yours only. You deserve respect." Awsten spoke. You leaned onto Otto's shoulder, still holding Awsten's hand. A single tear fell and you finally felt whole again.


End file.
